Underneath the Walnut Tree

Kovy is gone...  to Ottawa...  *sigh*

I'm grateful for all those years he spent with the Habs, and wish him the very best for the next 2 seasons in Ottawa.  I'm happy he didn't choose to sign for a team like Toronto or Boston, nor sign for a team that's too far away from Montreal.  I'll gladly pay to see him play in Ottawa! 

My heart broke when it was announced, and I cried a little.  Damn you, Gainey!!  :(

GO KOVY GO!!

If Kovalev is not signed I will be miserable. 

Well it's been a long while, and lots has happened since my last entry.  To get rid of the bad, well, I fell into a depression not long before xmas time (hate hate hate xmas!!!!) and finally agreed to take medication.  I've been slowly getting better since then, with the help of my friends and my lovely shrink LOL .  It's just a phase, so even tho when I feel bad I think the contrary, I'll heal eventually!  :D 

Anyways!  Now doing Kung Fu!  Been dreaming of it ever since I was a little girl and FINALLY I give myself the oportunity to take martial arts classes!  Not doing bad either, since I got my Yellow sash a month ago from the grand master himself (Sifu Jocelyn Toy, if you know who he is).  Quite proud of myself!  It's my sixth months of training and I still love it!!  Recently I starting doing some training at home, too, so I can get better and better and healthier, too!  Both physically and mentally :D

At work things are doing OK.  They are training me so I can do more while they leave for their vacations this summer.  It's gonna be sooooooooo quiet!!  That's the government for ya! 

I tried to resist, but I couldn't hold back anymore - I bought myself a PS2 a month ago, along with both MGS games on that console.  Gosh I'm so obsessed about those games now!  Love the stories and the silliness of it all!  I also bought the MGS1 remake for the GameCube so I can know everything.  I am now saving for a PS3, and hoping to buy one soon!  I want to play MGS4 so badly!!  :PPP  Playing MGS is all good and well, but my knowledge of PS2 games is quite short...  I'd like to try Silent Hill, even if I'm a wuss and would probly cry playing it!  I shall do some research to see what other games I could get :)))

Sooooo tempted to buy the new Sims!!  But that game is such a time-eater I wouldn't get anything done D:

...or would I ??  Gaah!

Best thing to happen yet???  I went all the way to Boston to see Keane live on the 21st of May.  IT WAS AMAZING!!  We got a bit lost on the way (we were travelling by car) so we arrived a bit late, but GOSH I LOVE THEM!!!  Driving in Boston during rush hour was a pain tho, and it was waaaaaaay worse with my mother in the back seat.  We wanted to kill each other!!  But we arrived safely, fortunately, and no one was hurt :P 
After the gig I got to meet Tim Rice-Oxley and Richard, the latter I had already met in Montreal in 2007.  But damn, my dream of meeting Tim came true!!  I adore him so much!!  He's so sweet and charming in real life!  Even my mum couldn,t stop talking about him when we left :P  I was pretty calm when we chatted and took some pictures, apart from my legs that wouldn,t stop shaking :P  Very proud of myself tho.  :D

Work's calling, so I'll leave it at that :P

Well it's been a while ain't it?  Been a crazy couple of months to say the least.  Uni started 6 weeks ago and the exams have begun to happen.  There's a teachers strike right now and because of it one of the exams has to be reported to after reading week, and I must say that I think it sucks.  Problem is, if we miss one more class on monday, we might lose the course alltogether, as for it to be credited, a course has to count at least 12 weeks of classes.  So if we miss more than 3 on 15 we're done.  Bet the Uni is glad we all paid for our course already :(

Anyways.  Still working for the government, but there will be some changes in the next few weeks that I'm not happy about.  Not one bit.  But it's not something I can control and I can't say much against it because I'm lucky they are keeping me and trying their best to find me another place to work.  See, they've hired a new full-time agent and she's gonna be taking my desk so I have to switch (I'm a student so I only work there 2 days a week).  For the next few weeks I'm gonna have to share a desk with another student, while waiting for a new one.  It saddens me a lot to have to change like that because I won't be able to work with my atm desk neighbour who's  a good friend of mine.  :(

A month ago I spoke with my ex-boyfriend on Skype, for the first time in 2 months.  It was truly bizarre to be back where we were before we went out.  It was like one of those friendly chatters we'd be having till late in the night before we decided to take it to the next level.  This conversation took place a month ago, and now I feel that we've come apart for good.  He has his life back there, and I have mine.  I actually do not miss him all that much now.  Everything, the friendship, the relationship, seem so far away now that it's like a dream.  I'm still glad I got to know him though. :)

My first niece was born September 18th, so she will be one month old (already!!!!) tomorrow.  She is the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world.  Of course I'm biased but that's how I feel.  I am truly happy for my brother and his wife.  They gave life to a wonderful baby girl.  There are pictures of her everywhere now :D  So cute!

Two friends of mine got married in the space of two weeks.  Went to congradulate the first one but didn't stay - too many people there I don't share beliefs with.  Stayed for the party at the second wedding.  I thought it would be fun, but some people whom I thought were friends simply ignored me, and my childhood friend (we were close) did everything she could to get rid of me.  That hurt a lot to be honest.  I stayed because my little sister seemed to have fun and I could not leave her there alone.  One good thing that came out of that night is that I caught the bouquet (thinking about it, that about where that childhood friend started being mean towards me), and I got to talk to my ex-boss and some of my ex-co-workers whom I hadn't seen in close to 6 months.  It was nice to see them again.  :)

Bought a new car before Uni started - pretty good deal I think.  Although there's the "check engine" light that went off last monday when I last used it.  Hope it's not bad...  : /

New Keane album came out last tuesday and naturally I went out to buy it.  I haven't been able to stop listening to it ever since.  In my opinion, it is their best yet, even better than Hopes & Fears (their first album).  For those who know me, that's a pretty big statement coming from me.  I think it is simply brilliant, and the title song, "Perfect Symmetry", is one of the best things I've ever had the chance to listen to.  The music, the lyrics, the vocals... it is the perfect song. 

Well, that's about what I can type before I have to get back to work.  :)

Been 5 weeks since my last post here already!  A lot has happened, good and bad.  First of, I was right about the guy I was going out with.  The problem is, I kept on living in my imaginary world, thinking that I was wrong and that all was well when it wasn't.  So the week before he left for Japan we saw each other once, and that's cuz he felt he HAD to, not to make me feel bad.  I was so angry at him for being a pussy and not telling me WAY EARLIER about how he had stopped loving me, and worse!!  He said he would email me to tell me when he would be able to free himself (FROM FUCKING PARTYING) and come and see me, but he made me wait FOUR FREAKING DAYS before emailing me, to tell me that he would come the next day for a couple of hours (he had another PARTY planned that evening).  
The RETARD thought it was a good idea to let me freaking suffer like hell, wondering if he was still in love with me.

Gosh I am still so angry thinking about it!!  I confronted him about it the day he came, and told him that it would be the last time we'd see each other.  I had had enough.  He told me he wanted to be friends (he even said I would be his BEST FRIEND WTF!!), but how can I trust someone like that????  Now it's been three weeks since he left and JUST YESTERDAY I got a short message from him through facebook, where he was thanking me for my best wishes and telling me it was hot and humid in Japan.  LIKE I FREAKING CARE!!  He has not even shared his details with me on Skype and I KNOW he's been on more than once since I sent him an invitation (he had added himself to my list on my computer the last time we saw each other).  Now I just feel like I should stop caring but DAMN IT it is so hard!!  As much as I want to I cannot erase him from my life!!  

What should I do now??  I was thinking about unfriending him on Facebook and deleting his address on Skype, but how would that look?  I don't know what to do anymore...  

On the other side of the coin, I just had a nice chat with a pretty cute guy, saying he was genuinly curious about me ( I do have weird tastes).  Turns out it's a friend of a friend - it's a small world as they say!  

Been going out a lot lately; saw X-Files and The Dark Knight (twice and going back soonies), and going more often to restaurants I didn't know before.  It's nice!  
I bought the whole of the X-Files series a week before the movie came out so I have lotsa fun stuff to watch (best tv show ever, imo). 
School's starting in a few weeks, and I cannot wait to go back!  I'm gonna be paired with a student from overseas for the first few months of the semestre so it's going to be great!  I dunno what nationality, yet.  Hoping for a Dutch or Japanese student, so I can practice those languages.  :)

Anyway, I have to go back to work, break is nearly over!

...you feel like you've said or done something wrong but don't know how to make up for it if at all?  Like, last time I saw my... I don't really know what to call him, since we both agreed that we we'ren't going out together... close friend?  Any way.  It was saturday morning, and I dunno, I left him 'cause I had to get back home and as I left I looked behind at him and he had this weird look on his face...  I dunno, I might be imagining things, but that's what I do from time to time.  I emailed him last night and I have yet to receive any reply - I invited him to come to a party I'm giving next Saturday, which would be a good opportunity for us to finally do something together.  I'm the worrier type and so I'm thinking about last Saturday and I'm quite depressed.  I was listening to that brilliant Keane song earlier: "On A Day Like Today", which is about never finding the right words to say, and being unable to express one's feelings, and I had tears coming down my cheeks.  It totally fits my state of mind at the moment.   It would hurt a lot, to say the least, if he said he could not come.  I just read on his facebook that he has this concert the day before...  aaah...  it's the only chance I have to bring him where I live and oh gosh...  I feel like crying...  D;;
You know, I know I'm going to lose him some day soon, as he is going back home in less than 3 weeks.  But damn it!  I do have feelings for him...  I'm going to need someone to cuddle when he leaves...  thinking about it now makes my heart ache...  DAMN IT.  

I want this, what we have, to end on good terms, and not with him totally hating me for anything...  D:   

I'll never forget our moments spent together, as few as they were, and how we came to know each other.  It's such a cute story IMO. : ))

We met in the very first Japanese class of the semester, back in January.  He says he instantly took a liking to me, but on my side of things, I was more excited about practicing my Japanese with a real Japanese student than anything else.   XD  As the weeks went by I eventually began to think about him more, and then, the week right before spring break, I managed to ask him if he had a Facebook account.  He asked me to give him my email address so he could add me.  Two days later, he had emailed me asking me out for a cup of coffee.  I didn't really know what to think and didn't want to get my hopes up so I agreed, but we never found the time until after spring break.  We met in the cafeteria of one of our uni's buildings, and chatted away for hours, until he had to leave to meet with other students for a project.  We learned a lot about each other then, and I was actually surprise at how open he was with me, telling me personnal stuff, about how he felt, how he missed home etc - he even got teary-eyed once in passing.  
Next time we were to meet was to watch a game of hockey, a Sunday night.  He never came, sending me an email a minute before the game started to tell me he was stuck with other students, working on a project.  I was so mad!  We saw each other again in the Japanese class, the following tuesday, and when the class was over, he walked with me outside and kept apologizing.  It was kinda annoying in a cute sort of way.  Two weeks later, after yet another class, he asked me out for a cup of coffee and we ended up in the Uni pub, watching the end of a hockey game.  We chatted, again, for hours until it was time for him to go to bed (had a class at 8h30, poor thing).  As we were saying our goodnights, I noticed him making a slight move to kiss me on the cheek but I panicked and took one step backwards, commenting on how pretty the moon was.  LOL

We didn't see much of each other until the end of the semester, the last week to be precise.  He had been away for 2 weeks (competition in Seattle) and I was stuck with my exams.  So yeah, we met again on the last Monday of April - this time when he arrived we hugged and I gave him a peck on the cheek.  Human contact FTW!!  :D  We chatted until it was time for me to go study for my English literature exam.  He showed me pictures of his trip, of his family in Japan... it was quite nice!  
And so he left again but this time for two whole months.  Two weeks after his departure I had started working at my new job, and since it's away from my hometown I was feeling quite lonely for a bit.  So one day I just opened hotmail and wrote him a short email telling him about the weather, my new job, and asking him how he was.  

The surprise came with his reply, the day after.  He sent me this long email, explaining how he had realised he was actually in love with me and was asking me out.  I was shocked to say the least!  I kinda expected him to feel this way, or hoped him to...  but ya know, one with such low selfesteem as myself may find it difficult to believe stuff like that could happen to them.  Anyway.  I sent him a reply telling him I liked him, but that we should wait until his return to talk about it.  He understood, and once a week we would email each other. 

That is, until he came back.  Oh gosh I was so nervous!!  I invited him to my appartment the day after he got back.  He arrived incredibly late (I was going nutters by then) and when he called me to have me open the door I nearly fainted.  LOL  So I did and we hugged (I didn't want to let him go!)  He gave me a small gift from Panama, and showed me tons of pictures of his trip.  I showed him my family as well, and had him listen to what kind of music I listen to usually.  Time flew by and before I knew it, he was telling me he was stuck here because the buses were not driving at that time of the night (it was 1h so it was true).  As he stays quite far from where I am I offered him to stay.  I was shaking like a leaf.  So we got ready to go to bed and as I was dozing off I heard him say my name. 

He didn't wait for me to answer before going on, telling how it was true what he had told me by email, that he loved me.  I sat up on my bed, looking straight at him.  I said I knew he was telling the truth, and that I liked him too... but... he was going back home in a month from then and ya know...  

He told me about when we first met, and how he had liked me from the very first time.  He said I was a very kind person.  We went on about racism and other issues, and as we chatted he stood up and came to sit beside me on the bed.  He said, "you know, back in April when we last saw each other?  I wanted to hug and give you a kiss on the cheek, but I didn't know if I could - but then you did it and I knew..."

God then I just reached out and kissed him.  

*sighs*

We've been seeing each other twice a week since then, that is, until now. 

I know this story'll bore all of you, but I needed to tell it.  I have no one share this with, as we're keeping our 'affair' secret - at least, I am.  I fear my family would not agree with me going out with someone who's not white and from our olde town.  It'd seriously freak them out.  I'm not telling my friends because... he's going away anyway so what difference does it make?  

...

It's going to be alright.  It is going to be alright.  : )

...

God it's so hot - wonder how I'll ever sleep tonight!! 

So!  I just checked my bank account and no, my ex-employers still have NOT payed me my due, and it's been 7 weeks since I left.  I called last week, she told me she would work on it on the same day (t'was Friday), and gosh... I WANT MY MONEY.  What's taking them so long????  I'm gonna leave a message for the boss on Sunday when I go there to do my groceries.  And I'll call back on Monday, too.   *sighs*

I'm SO glad I don't work there anymore! :D

I quite like my new job, and I've been told I was doing fine so yay!  :DD  

Tomorrow morning I have a Geography exam, and I studied pretty much every evening this week.  I'll have to do my best!  

My possible boyfriend comes back next week, wednesday to be more precise.  The thought of seeing him  again after all this while and all that we said through emails makes me kinda anxious.  But I guess I'll have to manage!  It's going to be fine.  Whatever happens, happens, and it'll be for the best in the end.  

I'm almost done re-watching Escaflowne, and now I'm thinking of bringing over my Rémi Sans Famille DVD set here so I can watch it, too.  It's such a great series, too bad it was never done in English ( I believe!)!  
I've not touched Path of Radiance for a couple days now - too much frustration in not being able to get that special item in chapter 19.  Gosh it's hard!  :((((   (Naesala, give it to meeeeeeeeeee!!! ;_____; )
I bought a DS for my birthday ( XD) two weeks ago and I love it.  Phantom Hourglass is a nice game, and up to now I've been really stuck a couple of times, so there's definetively a challenge there. :D  Zelda = Uber Love

Sometimes I wish I was still seeing my shrink, because I'm scared of falling back into my bad habits and bad thoughts, but I can't see her so I have to be strong.  There's so much I have to work on and learn, still, and it can be quite frightening to face all of it alone.  I have to change my trail of thoughts, and most of the work has to be done by myself and myself alone.  My bases are there and I know I can do it.  Saying this shows that I am doing OK.  Believing it, also, is a huge step in the right direction.  :)

Saving up for some X-Files DVD - I wanna get back into the series before the new movie comes out!  I missed it so much!  IMO, it's simply the best tv series ever.  At least, it is my all-time favourite.  *HEARTS*

Original poster: ariadnechan

Rules:
1. Put numbers in the boxes ins tead of ticking them off with x's. (example: 1, 2, 3, 4...)
2. Repost as "I have lived through __ of these 158 things."

 OK.  He just told me he loved me.  

...

What do I do now? 


...

I'm so confused! 

...

I need a book on how to read Japanese guys.  Seriously.  

Right now I'm head banging on the cultural wall. 

:S

WE WON!!! FUCK YEAH!!!  

BUH-BYE CHARA!!  BUH-BYE BRUINS!!



...thank you.

Now let's forget everything and focus on our new enemy. 

 Yes, I know, I am a terrible LJ user and LJ friend.  D:  

I don't do it on purpose, I swear!  I just bit on more than I could chew once again and I'm paying for it!  You'd guess that I would learn my lesson and take 4 courses instead of 5 next semester like I did this one, but no.  This is the week before exam week and I don't know how yet how I'm going to fit all my studying in my tight schedule, as I have a few written projects I have to finish for next monday and wednesday.   I'll have to cope!  ^-^;;  

I'm taking a short break because I need it.  !!  

I went to do a job interview last monday and got the job, yay!  I'll be working all summer in an office.  Hope it won't be too depressing! :S  It's going to pay lots more than my current job at least.  I need the dough, can't help it!  I'm staying at Uni the whole time.  That might not help my level of happiness, lol!  Hope to have somekind of summer tho.  Anywayz.  

So I've got no boyfriend still.  The guy I went out on 'dates' with just wants to be friends.  STORY OF MY LIFE.  

You know what?  I think men are scared because I'm a woman who plays video games and lurves sports (HOCKEY <3 HABS <3<3).  That's not normal girly behaviour to them and they don,t know how to handle it.  I mean, I can spend hours chatting to my guy friends about what technique to use in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.  Or the Habs game of the night before.
I fecking listen to video games music, dammit! DX

You know what?  Tonight I make some popcorn and watch a movie.  There's Sweeney Todd I've been wanting to see for like, ever, and I have it right here.  I'll type up a conclusion to my research paper tomorrow morning.  I might even have a beer.  I've got a Killkenny in the fridge...  mmmmmmmmmmmm...  

sy

Don't you just hate it when you have a 'date' and your 'date' doesn't come?

...  : /  

Emailed me a minute before the game started to tell me he had a team work reunion that was totally not scheduled and that he wouldn't be able to come...  

...

am a tad disappointed, is all... : / 

I had a bit of free time today so I decided to put together the new colour splash page of  Tsubasa, featuring Sakura and Syaoran (X2) :3   You can all use it as a wallpaper (it's already decorating my laptop :D)

Clickey here to see it  

<3 <3 <3

I just watched the movie/documentary Jesus Camp  and I'm like, deeply disgusted.  I don't know if I still have faith in Humanity... :S

***

In other news, I've just been invited out for a drink (with friends, naturally) by a guy friend of mine... 

so this is what I've done so far XD

 

To see it fully sized you have to click on it.
EDIT: ah well, it doesn't work. 

Shame I don't have much free time or I'd be doing this more often!

I lurv video games music.  <3

Right now I can't get enough of the Super Mario Galaxy soundtrack.  It's so made of TOTAL WIN.  <3<3<3<3<3

Favourite tracks include:

- Nemesis King Koopa 
- Battle For the Grand Star
- Wind Garden
- Comet Observatory 1,2 and 3
- Good Egg Planet
- Fight to the Death at Koopa's Fort
- Red Comet (even though I totally HATE the red comet ;-;)
- Ship Plant (SMB 3 <3<3<3)

and many others........................................

As soon as I get home I'm playing again ^__________________^

I GOT AN EMAIL FROM MY HOST FAMILY IN THE NETHERLANDS!!!!!!!!   THEY SENT ME PICTURES OF THE KIDS!!!  

OMG I MISS THEM SO MUCH!!!  

So glad to know they're doing well, though!!  They are all so talented!  Both kids are having piano lessons, judo classes and other things!  Very impressive - but then again, I knew they had it in them!!  

They talk about me often and they have the Canadian flag I gave them hanging on the kitchen wall - so is a framed picture of us all together!  And it's been more than 3 years ago since I left!  I love those kids so much.  <3<3<3<3

OMGCAN'TCRYAMINTHEMIDDLEOFACOURSE!!!  


 *hides behind the screen of her laptop and sheds some happy tears*

その　スプーン　は　すてき　です　ね！  *amazed*




Japanese learning videos are the lulz.   

I'm driving on the highway, minding my own business, when a stupid Hummer passes me and gets into my lane.  Thing is, instead of driving as fast as he was doing to overtake me, he slowed down.  Now, I don't mind being overtaken on the highway.  But when you think I'm driving too slow for your liking, don't get in front of me and fucking slow down, RETARD.    As I almost bump into him I decide to overtake him - but no no no, cuz as soon as he sees me by his left he accelerates.  So I get back behind him.  He overtakes a few other cars, but then a few minutes later I've come back right behind him.  He was still driving slower than I was.  As the snow had pretty much made it impossible to see further than 10 meters in front of the car I played the safety card and stayed behind.  What an ass though.  When I'm on the highway I use the cruisecontrol drive, so I'm driving at a steady pace.  It's not like I had accelerated.  Anyway.

**

Next April is when my little sis will take part in a religious ceremony in which she will have to 'confirm' her faith in god.  My parents want me to be her godmother since she needs one.  But I don't believe in that sort of things.  I'll do it for my sis, but I hate having to go against my values. My mum is angry because I don't believe in anything anymore.  I tell her it's none of her business but she keeps saying that she's afraid I will teach my bros and sis bad things.  *rolleyes*  She says they need good values.  LIKE I DON'T HAVE GOOD ONES.  Fucking annoying.  It irritates me to no end.  

**

Customers in general are morons.  If you see me pulling or pushing a really heavy charge and I'm coming your way don't just stand there.  I will fucking crush you.  OR, don't go asking me where the bloody peanut butter is.  It's right behind you and I'M BUSY.  The clever ones will always state the obvious.  "It looks heavy!", they say.  No way!  HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GUESS???  Was it because I was as red as a tomatoe and looked like I was about to explode?  Cuz I don't know what could have given it away.   We had our stock coming in late once and this one customer comes up to me and says, "looks like the van came in late this morning!".  Nah it didn't.  We just felt like waiting for you to come in to start placing and emptying the boxes.  

Classic lines from the funny ones:
When I'm placing eggs in the fridge I'm usually on my knees cuz it's pretty low.  It is garanteed that at least once or twice a week an old man/woman will joke that I should not be praying in front of the eggs.  Look.  It was NOT funny the first time, and it bloody NEVER WILL BE.  
If an item doesn't scan, "it's cuz it's free, init!".  NO IT ISN'T.  AGAIN, NOT FUNNY.
When I'm filling up the milk fridge there's always someone who asks me if I milked the cows this very morning.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  NOT.  
When you show something to a customer they more than too often will tell you that they didn't see it.  NO, REALLY?  Cuz I truly believed you did.  

The ones that disgust me are the ones who will complain that ours is a bad supermarket because such and such items are missing or that there's never anything on the shelves.  Um, hello?  *looks around*  There's enough food here to feed an entire city so will you just shut the fuck up and go home to your easy lives while most of the people who produce the shit we eat everyday don't eat more than 1 meal a day and work in inhumane conditions?  Pathetic.  

***

I need to study for my test tomorrow.  Yay.